Budapest - A love story

Not really a love story, but I did get laid with a prostitute in a rather amusing story.

It was on our second night out in Eastern Europe and I'm going back a few years here. We had decided to visit a strip club. Now, before we went, we'd been warned by just about everybody that we would be mugged. Especially in strip clubs. Because of this, my pal who organised the trip was instructed to research a strip club we wouldn't get mugged in.

We found one called Marylins. And were nearly mugged.

But let me rewind before I tell you about that. That Saturday morning, we awoke about 10 and me and my room mate headed out for a KFC for some reason. When we returned to the hotel, the other three were up and in the hotel bar. A few beers later and we decided to get on a tram and go explore Budapest, we were only paying around 80p a pint so drinking all day wasn't an issue. Now, first things first, it was lunch time so we decided to head over to a local gypsy restaurant. For some reason. Goulash was obviously what most went for. A pal of mine had a "Plate of Meat". This thing had meat I'd never seen in my fucking life on it. And a tongue. Covered in about 5 chopped onions. Surreal.

After this we jumped on a tram to head to some boozer we'd heard about, however, on the way there the smell was unbearable. Someone on that tram hadn't showered and it was about 30 degrees out there. Because of this we jump out in some spraypainted back alley and head into a pub. It's in this pub while playing table football that we meet Kriztian. A local Ferencvaros hooligan - sorry, that's all he was - who spoke English and wanted to be our friends. Pleasant enough, we chatted exchanged stories about football matches we'd been to, things we'd done that were the wrong side of the law.

It was about this point that we decided we could really go for something to supplement and asked our new friend what the crack was. "No problem" he said, put in a phone call, ten minutes later I'm in the loo with him and a Serbian businessman with a tattoo of a skull on his hand. Anyway, with a near death experience swerved, we head back to the hotel to get ready for the evening activities in the strip club. I don't know why but Kriztian was still with us.

Anyway, an hour later, fresher and livelier we get in a taxi and head to the strip club. Turns out our taxi drivers were employed by another strip club and we were inches from being battered by some bouncers before we realised and asked the taxi drivers to take us to Marylins, the pre-arranged club. I say asked, they weren't happy about it, but they took us after some strong words.

What a wise choice, Marylins is bouncing with Eastern European beauties. £2 a pint, table dances, long private dances, shower shows etc. Really a top notch place. While we're at this place, my pal is approached by an "employee" of the club who takes him back to his hotel. He later tells us that while she was "pleasuring" him, he wanted to pleasure her but the cost was an extra 5000 Forint, so he's on his knees, bollock naked tapping in the code to the safe getting more money out! Anyway, the night's going well, we've got girls hanging off us, we're on the stage in the shows etc. By the way, clubs in Budapest are different, turns out instead of girls hanging around waiting for you to ask for a dance, one will stay with you all night, go to the bar for you dance for you do whatever. Kind of like your own personal girl.

Anyway, I decided I'd like a piece of the action my mate had and ask this girl to come to my hotel with me so we can do the deed. She agrees, we set a price and off we go. As soon as we step out the club, this BMW pulls up and I'm instructed to get in. Fuck that. I take her round the corner to a taxi (turns out the transport is kosha and free) and pay god knows what to get back to the hotel. In the hotel I'm told to go shower. I know I only have to do my cock but for some reason I'm in there washing my hair. Blaming the booze I turn the shower off, come out and get to it. I'm doing her on my balcony when I realise there was an Italian school party on the floor above and I've got about 50 horny Italian teenagers shouting and whistling at me. We head back to the room and finish it all off. We come downstairs to go back to the club and I get in the transport provided this time.

On the way back to the club, the guy takes a different route and is all over the place, speeding, screeching round corners. At one point there's about three old bill cars surrounding our vehicle and I'm fearing a set up. However, for some reason, we make it back to the hotel unscathed. I don't know how. A top night was head.

In fact that was just a great holiday. There's a couple more stories available here that I'll share at some point. There's a lot of time and a lot to go on still.

To summarise this story. Budapest is fucking awesome, just great. Just do your research, don't take the piss and have a little trust in the locals. They're alright.

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